A Site for Sore Eyes: Tee Fury

A new feature here at Bushwood will be helping you, the reader, save countless hours of scrounging the interwebs by guiding you towards some unique and interesting websites. If you don't find them appealing, thats OK too, you can always keep doing what you normally do.

TEE FURY

Each day at the stroke of midnight Tee Fury puts up a new t-shirt for sale on their site for $9. 24 hours later it dissapears into the internet abyss, gone for good, and never to be sold again. The designs for the shirts are submitted by all types of artists with various interests. They range from pop culture references, social commentary, to good ole fashioned randomness. All of the tees are screen printed so you won't find any cheap iron-ons or heat transfers like your high school intramural jersey.

Do yourself a favor and check out Tee Fury, it's a much better investment than the $9 you'd spend on going to see The Blind Side.

Judge Smails

The Winter Olympics - A Rant

If you haven’t been watching the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver Canada these past couple I hope you’re in a coma. I’ve heard all the excuses for not watching; the sports are boring, I don’t know any of the athletes, NBC’s coverage sucks, I don’t want to miss American Idol, the winter games discriminate against countries that do not get snow. Really? I mean really? Lets go over this:

The sports are boring:

This is perhaps the worst excuse. These sports are not boring. Sure you might not know all of the rules or the technical aspects of the biathlon, luge, curling, speed skating etc. but that doesn't make then unexciting to watch. These athletes train for years to get to the Olympics. Some of them train while taking care of their families and hold full time and part time jobs. They are dedicated to their craft unlike many others. For them the Olympics is their only spotlight. You get one chance; one moment to shine before its all over. Think about training for 3 years for one event and losing a gold medal by 2 hundredths of a second or by 3 inches. 2 HUNDREDTHS OF A SECOND; that's faster than you can sneeze. The amount of pressure these athletes are under is massive. They are competing not only for themselves and their family, but for their entire country. They have only once chance to either be a national hero or the national goat. A perfect run earns gold. If you're wide in a corner by an inch or don't get into the right position in time you're out. which brings me to my next point.


I don't know any of the athletes:

You have a computer right? You have a smartphone? there are hundreds of webpages and several apps that outline winter olympic athletes. Stop gossiping with your friend back and forth on Twitter for 2 seconds and look them up. Done, NEXT.


NBC's Coverage Sucks:

Yes the lack of live coverage is a bit confusing. Especially when the big east coast market is only 3 hours ahead of the games themselves. BUT did you stop watching the summer games from China or Australia because the events weren't live?? I didn't think so.


American Idol:

Terrible if you use this as an excuse please do the rest of us a favor and shoot yourself. No, NO that would be too quick and easy. Shove bamboo under your fingernails and then wash your body with acid. That'll do, douche.


The games discriminate against countries that don't get snow:

The whole world doesn't get snow all the time. Boo Hoo. Last time I checked the citizens of Jamaica weren't exactly begging for the white stuff. In fact they make a pretty good living appealing to all of us as a great winter destination spot BECAUSE ITS WARM AND THERE ISN'T ANY SNOW THERE. So I'm not crying for these countries. This is 2010. If Jamaica had a bobsled team I think its all fair.


Really there is not excuse for not watching Olympic coverage. Even if you just root for the USA in all events, that's fine. That's being patriotic. Because if you don't watch, the terrorists win.


Carl Spackler

Things you might not know about but you probably should: Music Edition vol.2

No need to pussyfoot around at this point with what you're going to find here. Continuing the Bushwood tradition of enriching your existence, we give you some things you might now know about but probably should! Music Edition! Vol.2!

Once again you'll find a selection from each in the handy player below. Vamanos!

Them Crooked Vultures: Very rarely do a group of individually talented people come together to form an unstoppable juggernaut. However, Them Crooked Vultures seem to have done just that. John Paul Johnes (Led Zeppelin), Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters, Nirvana), and Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age) get downright nasty on the bands self-titled debut album. Rock on.

Grab these: Mind Eraser No Chaser, New Fang

Mumford & Sons: There has been an eerie connection between the musical choices of David Letterman and The Bushwood Staff as of late. After recently showcasing the network debut of Fanfarlo (mentioned in vol.1), these swarthy Brits recently took the stage at The Ed Sullivan Theater. A fast rising act in the United Kingdom, the London based Mumford & Sons are making their way to the land of freedom and awesomeness, hopefully to a pub or pitch near you.

Grab these: Little Lion Man, The Cave

Gossip: If Ann Wilson and Stevie Nicks placed their eggs in an atom smasher and fertilized that egg with the seed of Roger Daltrey, the result would be Beth Ditto of Gossip. Visually weird as shit but smooth as a McGregor 3-Wood to the ears, the nod to the female fronted classic rock band is in your face and much appreciated. Not since the days of hair like this has a sound been so fresh.

Grab these: Heavy Cross, Keeping You Alive

Matt and Kim: So, yeah. It's a guy named Matt, a girl named Kim who make pop-punk-dance-hip hop music with mostly a keyboard and drum machine. I don't know either but it works. Good Ol' Fashion Nightmare is the type of song that you get uber into when you're by yourself in the car but you might not want other people seeing you sing along to.

Grab these: Good Ol' Fashion Nightmare, Daylight

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club: BRMC are by no means a new face on the scene but Beat The Devil's Tattoo is such a rad song it had to be here. The new album of the same name hits your local Sam Goody on March 9th. Check it.

Grab these: Beat The Devil's Tattoo, pretty much everything else

If you have a suggestion for someone you'd like to see featured let us know!

Judge Smails

My new arch nemesis: 97.1 "The Fan"

There are many things in this country of ours that are controlled by a monopoly, most of them do a great job with being dominant unstoppable machines in what they do. They offer a superior product which therefore makes all the other ones similar to it obsolete. The logic to this practice, although arguably unfair, makes sense to me.

**Sidenote - If you're really into economics and are already frustrated with my likely misuse of exactly what a monopoly is, go watch The Blind Side with your friends **

Recently one of these situations has presented itself in Columbus although it is not a monopoly due to a high quality product but rather one born out of a mere lack of options. 97.1 "The Fan" now produces garbage on a daily basis. Like literal trash. The kind of trash that makes you so angry you want to freak out in your car and beat the passenger seat to death (yeah that's two Ferris Bueller references in three paragraphs). If you're not familiar with 97.1, it's a station that carries ESPN programming as well as local sports talk radio. As far as all of the ESPN shows go, whatever, take it or leave it you know what it's going to be. The Herd and The Scott Van Pelt Show are top notch exceptions however and deserve your ears. They have a general audience to appease to and I get the need to cover generic/general topics. So if you want a dose about Kobe vs. Lebron for MVP, who should or shouldn't get into the Baseball Hall of Fame, or to get Brett Favre updates it serves its purpose.

However when it comes down to wanting to get some local flavor regarding the Buckeyes, Browns, Bengals, Indians, Reds, Lake Erie Monsters or anything else Ohio related we must turn to the local programming. Now I understand that there is a certain audience that are the "man's man" sports fan. And I respect the ones that get BROWNS tattooed on their arm and the guy that continues to beat the drum at Jacob's (not Progressive) Field. But, even they must agree that 97.1 "The Fan" no longer makes any attempt to put out a product that can be considered remotely entertaining to anyone.

I have to first point out that this has not always been the case. The highlight of my day would be time spent in the car when I would get to hear the outstanding radio work of Chris Spielman and Kirk Herbstriet. Due to the high quality of these gentlemen's work however, they have moved on to bigger and better things (yes I know they are both still on occasionally but clearly not enough). What you can now find on 97.1 "The Fan" from the hours of 3-6 is the Common Man and The Torg . You can read that again to try and find value in it but you'll likely have this kind of result.

A regular day of Common Man and The Torg goes something like this "Hey! Buckeyes are bad, Browns are bad, Bengals players are criminals, nobody cares about the Reds or Indians! Hockey should be more popular! We're guys who don't care about what you say because we're MEN!!! And we are such guys' guys that we pretend to not know there are a shitload of other things in this city that people wanna know about rather than our 8th grade lunchroom humor that we use to make fun of other people while we sit in our own self aware puddles of loathing that we acknowledge so it makes us funny in a totally hilarious pathetic self depricating way! Eat at Catalfinos!" For three hours a day, five days a week, this is what gets broadcast on the airwaves.

So maybe what you're saying now is "Well just change the station if you don't like it!" and as of this time I have stopped listening. Although the whole point is that I shouldn't have to! But the reason this is a problem is because I like sports. I like radio. Therefore I like sports talk radio. In Columbus, there are no other options. I despise with a fiery passion both The Common Man and The Torg because everytime I hear their voices and exaggerated "Italian-ness" it makes me want to shove bamboo shoots under my finger nails. Not only does it for some reason piss me off that you (yes I am now using "you" because I pray to God somehow one or the both of you clowns read this) feel the need to say things like "I'm not gonna be watching Slumdog Millionaire because I don't enjoy watching Indian people line dancing" but it also drives me insane that you perpetuate the cynical, miserable, d-bag Ohio sports fan persona.

This brings us back to my improper use of the word monopoly, but this is exactly what it's all turned into. So consider this my job application for any station in Columbus that's looking to hire somebody who would definitely suck less than these guys. Screw you "The Fan," I'll come back as a listener when Chris Spielman hosts every show by himself, or at least pair him back up with Ricordati, a.k.a. Common Man, so can go back to calling him out for being the tool that he is. Those were the good ole' days.

Nobody likes these guys, we just don't have any other choices. But I guess I could be wrong, just listen to that ovation.

Judge Smails

Things you might now know about but you probably should: Movie Edition vol.1

Continuing the Bushwood tradition of getting you hip to things early, today we bring you a look at some upcoming films that I guarantee are better than The Blind Side. If your first reaction to reading that was "Well I don't know, The Blind Side was pretty good" then stop reading now and go watch Marley & Me because chances are you probably own it.

Some of this edition's selections debuted at Sundance, others are ones that have been found through scrupulous combing of the internets. Either way, I get super excited about movies.

****BURIED: No this isn't a movie based on the MTV show The Buried Life (which is about as "real" as Jwoww's bosoms) but rather a pretty risky yet extremely intriguing movie starring Ryan Reynolds. And only Ryan Reynolds. The entire film takes place in the coffin which Paul Conroy (Reynolds) has been buried in by some nefarious individuals who are demanding a ransom. This is director Rodrigo Cortes' first English film, and while it is a gamble, it looks like one well worth taking.



****LUNOPOLIS: The comparisons to Paranormal Activity and the now beat to death "Blair Witch" reference is unavoidable when a movie like this comes around. However the completely original and obscure source material for Lunopolis is one that is hard pressed to not be curious about. This little film that could centers around the actual conspiracy theory that there was once a thriving civilization on the moon, and some not so fantastic things took place there which were subsequently covered up. Difficult to not to be interested if you like good things, and its rumored that Sandra Bullock turned down the chance to play the moon. <--- That last parts not true



****CENTURION: No question that the era of Roman Legionaires has been done extremely well before, but its hard to not be excited about the director of The Descent (and the little known but equally sweet Dog Soldiers) taking a crack at it. Based on the true account of the Ninth Legion's march thru Scotland to destroy the Pict rebels and the eventual mysterious and still unexplained dissapearance of its nearly 4,000 members, Centurion looks as though it will trade historical accuracy for swords and shields. That is not a bad thing, unless you're a d-bag and can't appreciate the fact that its a movie for entertainment and not a show on The History Channel.



****CYRUS: Great to see John C. Reilly returning to form after the disaster that was Step Brothers (if you thought any part of it was funny besides the Boats and Hoes presentation by Prestige Worldwide go watch Two and a Half Men which I bet you also think is a laugh riot). A great cast and an ever improving Jonah Hill playing a single mother's son adjusting to his mom (Marissa Tomei) and her new boyfriend (Reilly) looks outstanding.





****THE GHOST WRITER: Soooo I thought this was a feature film based on this, but its not (and yes you read that right, the kids name who played "Jamal" is Sheldan Turnipseed). Still looks good though.




More to come soon!

Judge Smails

P.S. The Wolfman sucked alot. This is the only Wolfman that has nards.

I just went from six to midnight.

One of the greatest characters in recent movie history is getting his own film. Aldous Snow of Infant Sorrow, the architect behind such hits as Inside of You and We've Got To Do Something is finally having his time.

If you haven't seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Russell Brand's piss your pants hilarious performance, go do so immediately. Co-starring Jonah Hill, Aziz Ansari, Nick Kroll, and P. "All I do is Make Bands" Diddy; Get Him to the Greek hits theaters this summer. Check out the trailer below!



Judge Smails

SNOWPOCALYPSE NOW

I wonder how much Accuweather meteorologist Jim Kosek would charge to just hang out at my house and get me this jacked up before going to work each morning.

Judge Smails

Things you might not know about but you probably should: Music Edition vol.1

As we said prior, our goal here at Bushwood is to enlighten you on the finer things in life. Whether that's movies, music, television, beverages, or the best place to find underground goldfish races in San Diego,our goal is to improve your quality of life by making it more awesomer.

With that being said the first edition in this ongoing series will be about the time honored tradition of music. I don't think that makes sense now that I wrote it, but you get the point. I'm not going to pretend that any of these bands/artists are unheard of nobodies, but they might be to you. If they're not, let us know what you dig or don't dig about them because this is America and the Internet so you can say those things without fear of having your hands cut off.

On with the show, you'll find a selection from each in the handy player below. Now continue reading.

Matisyahu: Matisyahu is an American Hasidic Jewish reggae musician. Go ahead and read that again, I can wait. Now that you've had a chance to process that, let me confess this: I don't really like reggae nor am I Jewish. That does not mean that I haven't done the impaired white man dance to Bob Marley at island themed events, or ever turned down a high stakes dreidel game. Regardless of any of these things, this is music I can firmly get behind. A wicked sick lyrical flow and simplified beats highlight Matisyahu's talents, even if you don't like drinking Red Stripe with your latke cakes.

Grab these: King Without a Crown, Glavanize w/ The Crystal Method

Crash Kings: If I had a theme song that played when I walked down the street I would want it to be Mountain Man by Crash Kings. Best described as what Maroon 5 would sound like if they weren't terrible, this trio from Los Angeles brings the thunder with only a bass guitar, piano, and drums. Opening for Chris Cornell,The Stone Temple Pilots, and The Bravery should help give you a better idea of their sound. Once you listen tho I promise you you'll be thinking one thing, I want that for my theme song too. Go ahead, we can share.

Grab these: Mountain Man, You Got Me

Fanfarlo: How Fanfarlo haven't turned up in a movie starring Michael Cera or directed by Wes Anderson is a mystery to me. Fanfarlo wreaks havoc with violins, pianos, guitars, trumpets, those washboard things people in cults use to clean their clothes in rivers, and God knows what else. Fitting snugly into the Indie Rock genre, they bring a unique sound that puts their British roots on display. These crazy snaggle toothed kids have success written all over them.

Grab these: Harold T. Wilkins, The Walls Are Coming Down which has a sweet video

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros: If before you listen to Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros your first see a picture of the band, you might think to yourself "Huh, I didn't know they gave homeless people recording contracts." But this visual train wreck comes together to create something that must've been teleported here from 1976, but works amazingly well. Part The Doors, part Fleetwood Mac, and all original in 2010, you need to hear it to possibly get it. But I guarantee Home rekindles your interest in whistling.

Grab these: Home, 40 Day Dream

Phoenix: Yes, 1901 is that song from the Cadillac commercial. And yes, if anyone from Cadillac is reading this I would gladly take a free one, but i want an old one like Doughboy's. Phoenix is French but we're not going to hold that against them because frankly, they're wicked. It's like indie-rockish music was thrown into a blender with synthesizers and The Killers, and out comes a delicious jamming smoothie.

Grab these: 1901, Lisztomania

So there it is, the first installment in an ongoing series to make your life more enjoyable. Spread the word.

Judge Smails

Welcome to Bushwood

You've made your way to a land of magical enchantment where some dreams come true while some crash in a blaze of glory, and some involve a donkey, a can of spray cheese, and an Abe Vigoda ice sculpture. The purpose of this is to enlighten you, the public, about the finer things in life.

But like blind men in an orgy, we are going to have to feel our way through.

Judge Smails

Dramatic Pause

Co-habitation has its ups and downs. One of the downsides is the shared television experience. Now I'm a reasonable man, and I know that there has to be some give and take in a relationship. I believe though that I have held my mouth shut for too long. For the life of me I can not see the appeal of these girlie drama shows. These shows aren't just bad; their unwatchable, seriously. Of course you can't say that to your significant other because then you're an Ass, and you'll lose your sports watching privileges (and maybe more).

But please look at some of these shows: The Real Housewives of Orange County, The Real Housewives of New York, The Real Housewives of Who Gives a Fuck, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, The Bachelor, Bad Girls Club etc. They are all fueled by one thing: made up drama.

2010 Oscar Nominees (or, all the movies that were acknowledged besides The Tooth Fairy)

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