Dramatic Pause

Co-habitation has its ups and downs. One of the downsides is the shared television experience. Now I'm a reasonable man, and I know that there has to be some give and take in a relationship. I believe though that I have held my mouth shut for too long. For the life of me I can not see the appeal of these girlie drama shows. These shows aren't just bad; their unwatchable, seriously. Of course you can't say that to your significant other because then you're an Ass, and you'll lose your sports watching privileges (and maybe more).

But please look at some of these shows: The Real Housewives of Orange County, The Real Housewives of New York, The Real Housewives of Who Gives a Fuck, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, The Bachelor, Bad Girls Club etc. They are all fueled by one thing: made up drama.



Don't get me wrong, some of the women on these TV shows make for some good eye candy. But I don't want to be reminded of the fact that no matter how hot they look, some man somewhere is tired of putting up with their shit. I can just look beside me on the couch to realize that.

Some people might argue that the drama on these shows is like the proverbial train wreck; you just can't look away. But this is why I say its made-up drama. Think about the appeal of a real train wreck; its sudden, without warning, and it terribly violent. Now think about the drama on these shows; its thought out and contrived, perfectly timed, and (o.k. in the best cases) terribly violent. These shows are the poor (wo)man's family drama. The cameramen aren't filming spontaneous, real-life situations and conversations. They're filming the aftermath of the mouse trap. Producers know that drama sells. They also know they can't afford to walk around with these self-centered sleaze bags for days waiting for something to happen. So they stage things like a "wine tasting" or a "wine party" or "girls wine night" or "Pam's Pill Popping and Wine Tastings Holiday" because they know the women will get drunk and catty. Its these moments of the show that the women just eat up like that quart of Haagen Daz they just put down.

This begs the question; Why do women love drama? Are they bored? Have they been taught that its the best way for social interaction? No please someone answer me because I have no fucking idea, and I think guys deserve to know why you're all so bat shit crazy.

Look at guys; They get into a fight and 10 minutes later they shake hands and go on eating chicken wings and drinking beer. When guys are bored that don't think of a new way to make their "best" friend miserable, they veg out to the 1984 Pro Bowl on NFL Network or enjoy the finer details of Girls Gone Wild.

But again I can't say anything lest I be banished to a week of non-sex bed sharing.

Women I beg you. Only you can stop this madness. You don't need these shows, trust me. They just inspire you to create dramatic situations in your own life so that you can feel like a celebrity. DON'T DO IT! JUST SAY NO! Please for my sake, for our relationship's sake, and for my balls sake.

Thank you, good night - bitches.

Carl Spackler