My new arch nemesis: 97.1 "The Fan"

There are many things in this country of ours that are controlled by a monopoly, most of them do a great job with being dominant unstoppable machines in what they do. They offer a superior product which therefore makes all the other ones similar to it obsolete. The logic to this practice, although arguably unfair, makes sense to me.

**Sidenote - If you're really into economics and are already frustrated with my likely misuse of exactly what a monopoly is, go watch The Blind Side with your friends **

Recently one of these situations has presented itself in Columbus although it is not a monopoly due to a high quality product but rather one born out of a mere lack of options. 97.1 "The Fan" now produces garbage on a daily basis. Like literal trash. The kind of trash that makes you so angry you want to freak out in your car and beat the passenger seat to death (yeah that's two Ferris Bueller references in three paragraphs). If you're not familiar with 97.1, it's a station that carries ESPN programming as well as local sports talk radio. As far as all of the ESPN shows go, whatever, take it or leave it you know what it's going to be. The Herd and The Scott Van Pelt Show are top notch exceptions however and deserve your ears. They have a general audience to appease to and I get the need to cover generic/general topics. So if you want a dose about Kobe vs. Lebron for MVP, who should or shouldn't get into the Baseball Hall of Fame, or to get Brett Favre updates it serves its purpose.

However when it comes down to wanting to get some local flavor regarding the Buckeyes, Browns, Bengals, Indians, Reds, Lake Erie Monsters or anything else Ohio related we must turn to the local programming. Now I understand that there is a certain audience that are the "man's man" sports fan. And I respect the ones that get BROWNS tattooed on their arm and the guy that continues to beat the drum at Jacob's (not Progressive) Field. But, even they must agree that 97.1 "The Fan" no longer makes any attempt to put out a product that can be considered remotely entertaining to anyone.

I have to first point out that this has not always been the case. The highlight of my day would be time spent in the car when I would get to hear the outstanding radio work of Chris Spielman and Kirk Herbstriet. Due to the high quality of these gentlemen's work however, they have moved on to bigger and better things (yes I know they are both still on occasionally but clearly not enough). What you can now find on 97.1 "The Fan" from the hours of 3-6 is the Common Man and The Torg . You can read that again to try and find value in it but you'll likely have this kind of result.

A regular day of Common Man and The Torg goes something like this "Hey! Buckeyes are bad, Browns are bad, Bengals players are criminals, nobody cares about the Reds or Indians! Hockey should be more popular! We're guys who don't care about what you say because we're MEN!!! And we are such guys' guys that we pretend to not know there are a shitload of other things in this city that people wanna know about rather than our 8th grade lunchroom humor that we use to make fun of other people while we sit in our own self aware puddles of loathing that we acknowledge so it makes us funny in a totally hilarious pathetic self depricating way! Eat at Catalfinos!" For three hours a day, five days a week, this is what gets broadcast on the airwaves.

So maybe what you're saying now is "Well just change the station if you don't like it!" and as of this time I have stopped listening. Although the whole point is that I shouldn't have to! But the reason this is a problem is because I like sports. I like radio. Therefore I like sports talk radio. In Columbus, there are no other options. I despise with a fiery passion both The Common Man and The Torg because everytime I hear their voices and exaggerated "Italian-ness" it makes me want to shove bamboo shoots under my finger nails. Not only does it for some reason piss me off that you (yes I am now using "you" because I pray to God somehow one or the both of you clowns read this) feel the need to say things like "I'm not gonna be watching Slumdog Millionaire because I don't enjoy watching Indian people line dancing" but it also drives me insane that you perpetuate the cynical, miserable, d-bag Ohio sports fan persona.

This brings us back to my improper use of the word monopoly, but this is exactly what it's all turned into. So consider this my job application for any station in Columbus that's looking to hire somebody who would definitely suck less than these guys. Screw you "The Fan," I'll come back as a listener when Chris Spielman hosts every show by himself, or at least pair him back up with Ricordati, a.k.a. Common Man, so can go back to calling him out for being the tool that he is. Those were the good ole' days.

Nobody likes these guys, we just don't have any other choices. But I guess I could be wrong, just listen to that ovation.

Judge Smails